HIS Plan

This post has been in my mind for the last 6 months or so...and finally, I am ready to share it....so here goes!

I am a planner, it's just who I am.  I have come to grips with it...I have had almost 29 years to adjust to the fact.  Not everyone else in my life has, however! :)  Anyway, I can remember being a planner from very early on.  I made plans with friends about where we would spend the night on a Friday night or as I got older who was going to drive to the basketball game.  Since college I have had a planner and I put everything down on it so I know where I need to be, what I need to do, etc.  I think since getting married and becoming a parent I have gotten worse.  I have a planner, I also use the calendar on my cell phone and have a calendar on our fridge with all of our activities for the month, I also have a weekly calendar that I plan out our meals for the week (crazy, I know!!!).  I feel most comfortable when I know what to expect.  I don't mind flying by the seat of my pants and playing things by ear, but for the most part, I would rather plan on it.  

Last year, I had lots of plans.  We had plans to go to Las Vegas in April and I had plans for running the 10k in May (this was a planners dream....putting my mileage on the calendar, figuring out which days I would run what, etc!  I digress! :) and after I was finished with the 10k we had decided that we were going to start trying for #2.    And not much longer I found out that we would be having #2.  I started planning!  I had figured out my due date, March 10th, had gotten a Big Brother t-shirt for Hayden so that we could tell our families, had set up my first appointment with my ob/gyn.  We were excited! 

In July we went on a vacation and told Jason's parents and then the following weekend told my parents.  The following week our plans changed.  At about 6.5 weeks I had a miscarriage.  Not being that far along I hadn't really adjusted to the fact that we were having a baby, so I handled it fairly well.  The thing that I was most upset about, and I have later learned is ok to grieve about, is that my plans were ruined.  My plans for our family were not what I thought they were going to be.  I also learned my plans don't matter.  It's not my plan, it's HIS plan that matters.  I know there is a reason for everything.  

Not long after this happened  I started reading Living Without Limits by Judy Siegle.  She is a Paralympian and National record holder in wheelchair racing.  In her book she tells a story about a trip to the National Wheelchair Championship and was almost not able to compete due to problems with her racing chair....."Looking back, it was certainly possible that I would not have been able to compete - life doesn't always go as we have planned - yet we are in charge of our attitudes every day.  Living with a positive attitude helps us deal with the abrupt, unforeseen, and unpredictable events that are simply a part of life.  Such events become daily opportunities to open ourselves to growth and an understanding that even these untimely roadblocks are part of a bigger plan and purpose."  This paragraph hit my over the head!  

My plan doesn't matter.  I know God's plan for me is a wonderful plan and I trust that he is a much better planner than I ever thought of being.  Believe me, I have not given up planning, but I have given up trying to control what is I am not able to control.  

After visiting with the nurse practitioner at my doctors office she suggest we wait a few months to start trying again and low and behold a few months later we found out we were pregnant again.  I was nervous, to say the least, but I was the same way with Hayden so I knew it was to be expected.  The difference with this pregnancy is that I have not felt very good at all.  I have lost weight, spent some time over the toilet, and had to find ways to manage the sickness all day long.  We are currently 11 weeks into this pregnancy and I have heard the baby's heartbeat and also seen the little nugget on ultrasound.  I got to see his/her legs moving and and little arms too.  We are very excited to be able to share this news with the world and very anxious to meet our little one.  My official due date is August 7th but I am hoping for the end of July with my history of a fast labor and delivery with Mr. Hayden.   And a little relief from the summer heat won't hurt either.  

Thank you to everyone that offered us support during this time.  We are very blessed with family and friends that support us in so many ways.  

I leave you with this...“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)”